“I do not want to be like parents”: we are looking for a new role model for ourselves

Sometimes we understand that a family script and behaviors adopted among our loved ones are not suitable

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for us. We become cramped in this narrow framework, and we go out in search of those we would like to equal. How to choose a suitable role model, which we can learn from others and why you should not thoughtlessly copy someone else’s image?

Sometimes it seems to us that we live like in a movie and his script is extremely familiar to us. And not in vain: our life scenario is based on early children’s experiences caused by psychological injuries, parental attitudes, their ideas about “one” and “impossible”. This plan includes some unconscious schemes, instructions on how to act in order to survive. It also has an idea of parental role models: my mother behaved with the dad in a certain way, and the child unconsciously repeats the patterns of loved ones.

We are growing up, time goes on, and those schemes that worked in the past are no longer relevant today. What suited to our parents can only interfere with us. Children’s pants begin to crush, press, because we will grow out of them. And growing and changing, a person is forced to adjust his behavior. So the crab changes the shell, the walls of the stomach, the esophagus and the intestines. To grow further, he needs to get rid of previous forms, otherwise he will simply die.

Parental behavior is not always a good example. Many of my clients tell how they notice that they behave like their own mothers. But they didn’t like it so in childhood! They said to themselves: “I will never be like her. “And now they repeat for mom exactly. They are disgusted, but repeat.

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